Archive for November, 2009
In this state of mind…
Monday, November 30th, 2009 | Uncategorized | No Comments
Ever wanted to disappear? Wondered how people would take your absence? How things would change if they did change; or if people would miss you enough to stop their lives in search for yours? Or as a great friend of mind once asked, if there was a RESET button, would you press it?
Well, some things never change regardless of how powerful you might be in any way. Your strength in relationship or your strength as an individual might never be enough to overpower the greediness of a human being. Someone must realize the value of their own life before they can value the life of others. So, i sit here and think…i think of these random thoughts…what would it be like if I suddenly disappeared? Would people care? Would people care more if I were gone indefinitely? Or worse, perished? What must I do to be remembered? What must I do to make a dent on this earth; to make a difference in someone’s life? Is our own existence not enough to give us that power over people?What sets us different from one another, when in the end we turn out to be the same?
I have many questions, I know. But I only ask because I’m the kind of person that thinks a lot, the kind to question, the kind to search for the right answers. I’m always searching for the truth no matter how ugly it might be. I’m trying to be the best person I can be. Loyal, honest, trustworthy, amongst other things, it’s what I stand to be. The golden rule is a powerful thing…but sometimes we aren’t treated as we treat others. No matter how correct your actions are, they might not be reciprocated for you. It’s a shame that life is so unfair and confusing. But what can we do? Life just seems like a game of choices. Once you take one step into it, the only way out is moving forward. So why are we always set on the past? Or changing what we cannot? It makes no sense how we humans think and operate. We are difficult and weird. The complexity of our minds and emotions are overwhelming.
Now, what defines a good person? Does a good person hold the qualities I mentioned above? Is there more, less, or is there something completely different in the mixture? Why are we codependent? I mean, I completely understand that without the help of other people we would not exceed, and we wouldn’t exist…but why are why so attached or dependent on others? I guess I have too much to learn in so little time and learning about what makes us tick is nearly an impossible task. So…why do we make life complicated for ourselves?
I wish I understood why certain people are unappreciated when others who deserve much less are idolized. But I stop in my tracks…who am I to judge them and determine what they deserve? I am no one to do such thing. But in theory, why is it that the person on the right track have it much harder than the others? Makes life only that much harder.
Quitting. It’s not an option. But how about living on the edge? Living so close to the breaking point that any quick change would push you to quitting? How far must you go ahead in order to never come back to that? I wish they had a manual for all this…but then again…who would actually allocate the time to read it?
Wow, this post turned out to be a completely different than I had thought up in my head. Fortunately, it was for the best. No person was named and all things said were vague and indirect. So, now the last question is: Who really understands what I mean behind all this, in context to my life?
Give it a try. I’ll know who’s been listening.